Travelings of a moron

Well my Korean vacation really got started on the wrong foot I would say. Mostly due to my own ineptness. Every time I looked at my ticket, I was looking at when my flight left L.A. for Seoul and the date of that flight was on Friday 18 June. Well I was not paying attention and the real deal was that I was leaving Detroit on Thursday but I was thinking for some reason that I was leaving on Friday. Well imagine my joy while sitting at my desk in my boxers looking at my ticket reservation and realizing that my flight out of Detroit was actually leaving 2 and a half hours from that very moment in time. I am eternally grateful that I am somewhat OCD about packing so I had already packed most of my stuff. So then began the mad dash of packing my computer and a few other things and rushing to the airport. My friend Bjorn was home at the time and I enlisted him to give me a ride to the airport (we almost died on the way) and he actually got me there in time (felonious driving). I then pulled the military card, got myself into the fast moving security line, and began my O.J. Simpson run through the airport to my gate. Got to the gate only to find out that the damn plane was an hour late, oh well. When I ran out of the house in a blind panic I only had the very most basic flight information with me and very little of the information that Jody had sent to me about the guest house we would be staying in in Seoul, not good. I would be punished for this later.

We finally load up the plane and I start my slow process to Korea. The service was horrible on this flight, I asked for a blanket three times and it finally got to me 2 hours into the flight. By that time, I was already into the late stages of hypothermia because for some reason it was cold as hell on the plane. Then when they finally gave me the blanket the flight attendant asked me “are you happy now?” I wanted to stab her in the neck with a dull pickle fork. (*Side note : why did Delta buy Northwest? I thought Northwest was the bigger better airline. My flight to L.A. with Delta sucked and if I can avoid it, I will not be using them for travel again anytime in the near future). I think I was also in a foul mood because I was not ready for this trip, you know, thinking that I was supposed to have been leaving the following day and all. To make my trip even more enjoyable there was a man and women on the plane that were not able to control their children whatsoever. I pretty much take it into account that no matter when I fly there is going to be a screaming child on the flight. I have resigned myself to this fact. However, usually the screaming offender is shushed and not encouraged to scream at the top of their bloody lungs for hours on end. For one thing, they had a boy of about seven whom I am convinced had TB as he coughed for the whole flight. I felt bad for the little guy but I wanted to pour hot oil on the fathers head as he sat there and did not try and cover his child’s mouth for the whole coughing fit duration. Then there was the 4-year-old girl who literally screamed at the top of her lungs for 15 minutes at a time with brief 5-minute oxygen breaks in between while the mother just sat there with a goofy smile on her face (there just never seems to be enough bullets). Finally we arrive in L.A. and of course we are an hour late which is cutting into my in between flights smoke break I was planning on taking. Once on the ground they tell me that not only do I have to go to the international terminal but also I have to go there “right now”. Back to running through the damn airport, out the front doors and a quarter mile to the international terminal, son of a…!

Let me just say that the folks at Korean air were very helpful and courteous and I really enjoyed flying with them so basically the exact opposite of Delta. What I did not enjoy was that they told me that they were going to be loading the plane an hour early and that I really needed to start heading towards the gate because the line to get through security was taking about an hour to get through.( *Side note #2, it really annoys me that when you are late for your flight through no fault of your own they do not have a “I am late for my flight through no fault of my own” fast lane to get through security.) And Guess what, no &*%$##$&* smoke break and no using the military ID to get through the fast lane here. By this time I am getting a little cranky because it is midnight my time and I had gotten up early that morning and done a bunch of running around town, why, because I thought I was leaving on Friday, idiot.

I finally got to the gate and quickly realized that I was going to be one of three westerners on a flight of 300. The flight was not bad, I did manage to get some sleep, and I had Korean airline food, which was entertaining. It was a long flight, thirteen hours, but I do have to say having just done that same flight more or less coming back from Iraq that this one was much more enjoyable as a civilian. I arrived in Korea at five a.m. Saturday morning; this too is a huge mistake on my part because I had told Jody that I would be arriving Friday morning at five a.m. I told her that because I am a moron and forgot to add the day to account for flying halfway around the damn world. Now the fun really begins because A: at this time I actually think that it is Friday morning and B: when I left the house I only had time to write down the most basic information that Jody had given me in regards to where we were going to be staying in Seoul. I should probably explain that the airport is actually in a city called Incheon which is an island and about 1 hour away from Seoul. They have a bus line that you can take but after 18 hours of flying and airport time I was not in the mood for a bus ride so I had already decided on the flight over that I would pony up the hundred dollars for the cab ride. As soon as I cleared customs I got the piece of paper on which I had scribbled as much information onto as possible and thought that I was good to go, nope wrong answer do not pass Go do not collect two hundred dollars. One bit of info that Jody had given me was her phone number , good deal right, not if your damn $%^**&*(%&$&$%##!!!!!!!! Expensive ass super cool touch screen internet wireless thing a ma jigger phone doesn’t work in Korea. So cant call Jody, no big deal right, we still have the name of the guest house we are staying at right, wrong wrong wrong wrong. I had the name of the guesthouse but not which guest house because it is a G****** chain, aaarrrrggghhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Did I mention that while I am realizing all of this I have 3 chicken hawk taxi pimps trying to get me into their taxicabs. It was a little much after all my traveling but one good thing about them was that some of them spoke a little bit of English. So besides not being able to call Jody and not having the true address of where I am going I still have one trick up my sleeve, my computer. So I tell the guy that speaks the most English that I need to find someplace with internet and he directs me to a free internet café. Now we are good to go right, NO we are not good to go, laptop battery is dead. Holy mother of all that is unfair in the universe…………! Long story even longer I go to the little store in the airport and buy a plug adapter for the laptop, plug it in and the taxi guy uses his phone camera to take a picture of the info off my laptop screen. So finally things are going my way, get in the cab, smoke damn near a pack on the way to Seoul and arrive at the guesthouse. It is during this ride that I am informed that no it is not Friday morning but instead it is Saturday morning and Jody has been waiting all night for me to arrive. The last thing the taxi driver says to me is “ you are a bad traveler” to which I have no reply because by this time I feel like a total retard.

Welcome to korea!