Back in the Army

Holy crap what was I thinking joining an Airborne Infantry unit I must have
a closed head injury, I swear. I thought it would be no big deal to get
back in shape for the Army, boy was I wrong. It was and has been a long
process. Apparently when you eat, drink and smoke cigarettes like a rock
star you cant just go out and run 2 miles with ease. Besides the age factor
of waking up in the morning all sore and tired without having done any
physical activity the day before. Did I not look in the mirror and realize
that I was 40 pounds overweight and that I smoked 2 packs of cigarettes a
day. Having to work construction during the day and trying to work out at
night did not work well for me. When you have been on a ladder all day, or
pouring concrete , roofing or mudding drywall going running when you get
done is not really an option, maybe if I was 20 years younger. To say it
was a shock to the system is putting it mildly. Also it was a complete
mental thing for me as I had been in the civilian world for 12 years and
did not have so much of a military mind about me. It was been a long road
to say the least.


I had my first drill weekend with this unit in February 2008 and just now
in my second month of Mobilization (June 2009) am I truly able to work out
,lose weight and really get back into running. I used to absolutely hate
running, partly because it is hard and not nearly as fun as hanging out at
the bar or on the couch but also because I had to learn how to do it all
over again. I know that sounds silly but for the last year I have really
struggled with running. I would not breathe enough and the smoking did not
help (finally quit after trying to for over a year) and when I would run I
ran flat footed. It was really rough on my knees and back. But now that I
am in a position to run everyday I have finally been able to fix those
problems and actually enjoy running now which is something I never thought
would happen. So if you are sitting on your couch and decide to join the
Army I suggest you find some way to get free money or unemployment checks
so you can dedicate yourself to working out. Maybe explore getting a sugar
momma or daddy or sell blood but definitely quit smoking and start running
your ass off.


The Army now is nothing like the Army that I was in back in the late 80's
early 90's. The computer age has finally caught up to the military both in
equipment and in the personal. Back in the day when you were done with your
duty day you would sit around and talk with your buddies, play cards or
read a book. Now and days its all about the gadgets from laptops to iPods.
Not only are the gadgets prevalent but the kids in the Army these days are
the computer generation. This is a good thing, as much of the equipment in
the military is electronic something or other. In the old days an Infantry
soldier pretty much just had to be able to walk a lot and shoot his rifle.
In this day and age they not only have to do that but they have to be able
to operate navigational computers, communication computers, and all sorts
of other electronic equipment. When I was with the 82nd Airborne in the
late 80's we never had radios in any of the trucks we drove. these days
every vehicle has a radio in it. Not only do you need to know how to
communicate on the different radio systems but every soldier has to be able
to program them and call in all sorts of reports. My head always seems to
be swimming with all the new stuff I had to learn coming back into the Army
this time. A lot of this is all due to the current wars we are in at this
time. An Army that has been at war for 7 years is a lot different form an
Army that has been in peace for 7 years.


The amount of equipment that each soldier gets issued is also staggering,
and most of it is brand new and even some of it you get to keep as it cant
and should not be re-used by others. From camel back water systems to
oakley blast resistant sunglasses. When I was in before you were not
allowed to wear any type of sunglasses now it is a requirement and you
pretty much have to wear them all the time. I have been issued Gerber
leatherman tools, several camel backs, several sets of glasses, all manner
of cold and wet weather gear, an awesome new sleeping bag system which sure
beats the hell out of the old green cotton one, brand new body armor, a
rifleman's vest which I can attach all sorts of things to with the MOLLE
system. All of it it is very impressive.


My only complaint is the damn camo pattern which is all ACU. The most
absolutely useless camo pattern ever thought of by man or woman as the case
may be. I am convinced that some general and several politicians sold their
souls to some defense contractor and are getting rich off their stock
options for agreeing to use this pattern. The only camouflage property's
the ACU covers are if you are hiding in a gravel parking lot filled with
light green rocks or if you were trying to hide inside a rain cloud. Since
I have never seen green rocks and I cannot fly my opinion is that this camo
pattern sucks ass. Especially in a desert enviornment, what the hell were
they thinking making a loam green camouflage for our Army which is fighting
in not one but two different arid desert countries,losers.


My other complaint is all the damn Velcro on the equipment and on the
uniforms. The Army went Velcro crazy, its like they just discovered it for
the first time and decided to use it for everything. All the pockets on my
uniform use Velcro as the fastener, except of course the rear pockets still
have buttons which if you ask any soldier for the last 20 years are the
ones they would have voted to replace. And of course as many know all your
unit, combat patches, rank, name tapes and military organization are Velcro
patches. But all your skill badges such as Airborne, CIB ( combat
Infantryman's badge) Air assault and all that are subdued pin on badges
which are a pain in the ass. They are nice if you like being periodically
stabbed in the chest by the push pins when the backings fall off, I myself
am not into body piercings and do not find any enjoyment in it at all. The
cargo pockets, which in my case and most cases as far as I have heard are
only fastened with 2 small Velcro patches yet all the other pockets have
whole strips. The end result is that when you have stuff in those pockets
and kneel down the pocket opens and all your shit falls out. They should
have put the buttons on the cargo pockets and the Velcro strips on the back
pockets, that way when you sit on a hard surface you would not have 4
buttons leaving imprints on your behind. The zipper on the front of the
shirt is nice but I do not understand why they did not use zippers on the
pockets. I mean this is supposed to be a battle uniform, it is not very
tactical when you are trying to be quite and you have to open a velro
pocket to see your map or get something out. That is if you can even get to
the pocket, your chest pockets become useless once you put on your body
armor because the openings are in the center of your chest as opposed to
being on the outside of your chest so that you could access them.


When I first read about the uniforms I remember reading some General
stating that this uniform would be cheaper for the soldier because you
would not have to pay to get your patches sewn on, LLLLIIIIEEESSSSSSS!!!!!
The Velcro patches cost three times what the sew on patches did. Not to
mention that you are supposed to remove all the patches and badges when you
wash the uniform, I did that for a while now I just wash them with all the
patches on as taking them off and putting them all back on is a pain in the
ass. Which brings me to washing them, don't even think about using a dryer
sheet or washing anything else with them as the end result will be a large
round ball of Velcro nightmare with bits of dryer sheet stuck on
everything. I think the people that came up with this uniform should be air
dropped smack in the middle of an Al-Queada base camp and try and hide. It
could be a new reality show called "Trying to hide in loam green camouflage
in the middle of an enemy base camp in the fricken desert" or "how not to
lose your head in Iraqisatan".